We were taught from our childhood itself to follow some kind of authority. It is not an instinct we are born with. ” We should obey our parents and teachers” tells the society, “We should obey God” tells religions. Everyone loves freedom and preaches to obey authority. It is like we are born free and brainwashed into being a slave. If we retrospect we can find that we are constantly under some kind of authority.
May be the only time we are not is when we graduate from college and is looking for a job. By that time the degree to which we obey our parents is very small and we have not yet joined any job. So here we don’t have to follow any authority. We are on our own. This presents us with a unique opportunity. This can be fearsome but still it will be a great experience. And great experiences make the life worth living.
Just now I noticed that while writing this I don’t have to follow any instructions. I don’t have to limit the number of words, don’t have to write about a particular topic and don’t have a time constraint. And that feels like freedom to me. And freedom presents us with true choices. We have to keep experimenting with different choices until we find the one that resonate with us.
It is like you are going to write your own story from now on. You are going to write your future. I say write a good one while you are at it.
I had previously told that I was fast forwarding through life to reach the good part. I have still not stopped doing that. I have done it for most part of my life that it has become involuntary now.
The excitement I had previously is gone now. I always felt like that I can not sustain any emotions. Just like, when you watch a great movie, you will be in the zone for some time. But after some time the effect wears off. It is like that for me with emotions. I can not hold hate towards a person for too much time. Even love. It is like I have short term emotional memory loss. When a task is taken up under the influence of emotions or inspirations, the task becomes easier. But due to my condition I find most of the tasks difficult most of the time. May be the tasks are difficult because when the going gets easy, the experience get magnified so that purpose of life can be fulfilled.
Last time when I started writing it was like a flow I can not control, now its shortage.
“Whatever You want me to be please make me that.”
I like this prayer because it takes the burden off our shoulder. Burden, that is how I saw the life most of the time. It is very easy to dream. May be that is why I dream too much. Does not cost anything. My kind of entertainment. Cheap and easily available.
Whenever we enquire about how to get our life more involved we come across the word “comfort zone”. For me the comfort zone is being a couch potato. Even though I realized that it does not take you to a better place I still cling to it. I am too afraid to get out of my comfort zone.
I think today I am starting on a new path. I have never been this excited before.I don’t know the exact way things are going to happen from now on. I guess I never did. But still, this is new to me. From writing this much I am noticing one thing, that is, I am using so many ‘I’ in sentences.
Writing was never one of my strong suits. I remember, during my school days, I was so lazy to write something, that even if it was in an exam, I would try to answer with least words possible. I would write final answer so fast even if it wont get me full credit.Not only writing, even while eating I used to do it fast. I guess I never enjoyed those things. Like I was fast forwarding through life to get to the interesting part. It has been so many years and I am still doing it.
I don’t know how but for the past few days I have been getting interested in reading more books. Like somehow books are going to be my salvation. And I started wanting to write also. I don’t know how. I remember praying or rather repeating the prayer of Nikos Kazantzakis that ” whatever You want me to be, please make me that”. You can see, I was desperate. I have quit my job 2 years ago and was looking for a job since. I had the idea that I could make it in Engineering by working hard. But whenever I tried to work on it I was getting easily distracted. I don’t know if it was just me being too lazy or maybe I was not up to it. But I kind of felt like I don’t fit in. So for the last few days I have been trying to find alternate ways to get a job so that my parents wont be disappointed too much. On that pursuit I found many on-line sites, most of which are scams, and signed up with different sites with the hope of getting a job. But still I was not satisfied with any of it. I was on the verge of loosing hope and giving up, so I decided that,”if I don’t find my way in life by tomorrow, I will join some job I am not interested in and make a living out of it”. I was asking for signs from the universe (like universe has nothing else to do). I was not able to sleep properly that night. Next day morning I was kind of disappointed that universe did not show me the way (Again with the universe? Maybe I should stop watching too much movies). So while searching the web I came across a site https://the-shooting-star.com/, a travel blog by Shivya Nath. It was not the first time that I was coming across a site this, but this time it seemed to resonate with me. I kind of felt like this is Universe reaching out for me. So I kept on reading through her site and it kind of inspired me to do this (So if you have any complaints you should blame her).